Love

Red Flags to Watch Out For

He walks in to the party, he’s handsome, confident and charming. He then works his way over to…

He walks in to the party, he’s handsome, confident and charming. He then works his way over to you and is assertive in his pursuit. Sparks fly, chemistry is great. It feels like you have met your soul mate. However, he might be a “wolf in sheep’s clothing”. Look out for these red flags so that your soul mate does not become your cell mate.

1.) Extreme Jealousy – Jealousy from a partner can often be experienced as a feeling of “he must love me so much that is why he is jealous”, not so. All consuming jealousy usually means that underneath he feel’s insecure and lacks self-worth.

2.) Controlling behavior – Controlling emotional manipulative behavior is poison and is a form of abuse. Your partner should help you reach your full potential not feel threatened by your healthy expression of self.

3.) Wandering Eye – This is rude and could mean that he objectifies woman as being viewed primarily as an object of male sexual desire, rather than respecting them as a whole person.

4.) Exaggerating or grandiose lying – If he lies about his own personal achievements, what else will he lie about? Congruency and trust are the foundation for all intimate relationships.

5.) Self-consumed and self-centered – Intimate relationships are about reciprocity; what can you both bring and do for each other. You don’t need a narcissistic guy that is self-absorbed and pre-occupied with their own need for love, respect and care. Selfishness is a form of neglect.

6.) Violent outbursts – Anger is a normal emotion and often an appropriate reaction to many situations. However, it becomes a problem when the anger is abusive and is emotionally or physically violent.

7.) Attention Seeker – When your partner needs constant attention, love and praise it can be exhausting and embarrassing. Also it often is a mask against feelings of deep insecurity and self-loathing. 

8.) Emotional manipulation with gifts – Watch out for this trap. At first if might feel fun to be spoiled and lavished upon with gifts. However, often there will be strings attached to those presents. From his perspective your acceptance of gifts implies to your partner that you owe them now or that they own you.

9.) Addiction of any sort – When a person has a compulsive addiction to any substance, sex or gambling it is impossible to be in an intimate loving relationship with them. This is because their true lover is what they are addicted to and addictions of any type often lead to destructive, life-threatening behaviors.

10.) Doesn’t like or treat his mother well – All of our adult romantic relationships are shaped by the way we were parented. The way your partner loves his mother is a sign of how he unconsciously relates to woman.