Relationships

The importance of pre-marital counseling

Wedding season is upon us and as a marriage counselor, I wholeheartedly believe that the single most important item on any couples registry should be pre-marital counseling. Trust me when I tell you that understanding the emotional experience of how you and your lifelong partner LOVE is more valuable than crystal and china.

We instinctively know that expressing and receiving LOVE are the most important experiences in our lives. However, we are never really taught how to LOVE, the exquisite dance which involves attuning to our partner while allowing them to be themselves, and also maintaining our own sense of self. With couples counseling, the newly engaged LOVERS can co-create a road map for CONNECTION, INTIMACY and life’s richest experience, LOVE.

It is within our most intimate relationships that our deepest defenses, insecurities and vulnerabilities emerge. These feelings often cause relationship issues and expose how we are all wired for LOVE in different ways. Pre-marital counseling can teach a couple how they are each uniquely wired for raw, messy and imperfect love. Understanding your partner’s emotional inner world of relational patterns establishes a secure foundation from which your love can grow. In honoring your partner’s differences and vulnerabilities, you can keep passion alive and avoid co-dependent love. Knowing how you are both wired for love leads to less blame and more compassion in your partnership.

All relationships fall into distress, ambivalence and harbor mixed feelings. Fortunately, universal tools and resources are available that research shows can support functional communication for a more secure and passionate connection. In receiving authentic love, both partners can reach their full potential, so I encourage brides-to-be to register for couples counseling.